Yes, I Have Short Hair. No, I’m Not a Lesbian.
I am not your typical girl. As far as stereotypes go about females in their early twenties, I pretty much break them all. I don’t wear makeup very often, babies freak me out, and pink is not my favorite color (I have two favorites, red and black, just in case you were wondering). I’m pretty much a tomboy, except I don’t play sports. One of the biggest ways I defy generalizations about girls is the fact that I have really short hair, and I’ve noticed in recent months that for some reason my pixie cut is throwing people off. I am asked on a regular basis if I am a lesbian (which I’m not, not that there would be anything wrong with me if I was). I have been told on several different occasions that I look like Christopher Reeve, Harry Potter (without glasses), and even Michael Cera (although it probably didn’t help that I dressed up as his character from the movie ‘Juno’ one year for Halloween). Instead of comparing me to the likes of Pat Benatar, Natalie Portman, or any other kick-ass short-haired females, I get told I look like a boy.
I am here to tell you that not every girl with short hair actually looks like a boy, and not every girl with short hair is a lesbian. I have plenty of gay friends who I love and admire, but I myself am straight. I am also a fully-fledged female with curves and legs that need shaving and nails that I polish (sometimes). It’s very important to never judge a book by its cover, which unfortunately is something that we as human beings tend to do a lot. I may not be the girly-est girl, according to the typical definition, but I’m still a girl, and a heterosexual one at that. I don’t feel that I should have to have long hair in order for people to find me attractive or think of me as womanly. My chest and my hips should more than make up for it! My point is, I am no less feminine than anybody else just because I can’t put my hair up in a ponytail.
Look past someone’s outer appearance and you might find that they’ll surprise you. The fact that I have short hair and don’t wear makeup every day are not signs that I’m gay, but actually signs that I would rather sleep in the extra 30 minutes in the morning than deal with styling my hair and going through an entire makeup regimen. My showers are much more efficient with 5 times less hair to wash. Plus, without all that extra hair in the way, you can actually see my face (which is pretty, I promise). And when you come up and talk to me instead of assuming I’m gay and writing me off, you’ll find I hate spiders, I love romantic comedies, and I occasionally even wear high heels – which are just a few stereotypes that even I’m not ready to break yet.
Image from http://bridalsays.com/black-hair-styles/
Facebook Conversations
About the Author
Great article!!! I totally had that same experience when I cut my hair boy short.
I really want to like your article. I do. But you move so effortlessly, so dangerously from a hands-off, Seinfeldian “But Not That There’s Anything Wrong With That!…!” attitude to propagating the crime of confusing gender with sexuality – which it seems like you’ve come to understand firsthand.
It’s frustrating for me to hear that people “write you off” for any reason, but should you really feel shortchanged by those who are ignorant, shallow, and tied to militant gender stereotypes? People who not only harshly “judge a book by its cover” but who also write off gay people?!?!! Time to smile, snap your fingers, or whatever you do to be confident while you practice the “haters gonna hate” strut. Because if they can’t be educated about these simple facts, and can’t be bothered to even talk to a subset of people who you love and admire, it begs vital questions:
What kind of relationship would you have with this kinds of lover/boyfriend/person?
How would he or she treat your LGBTQ friends?
At what point would you be expected to conform to his/her rigid expectations?
::shudder::
Everyone hates being judged for his or her outer appearance. That a certain gender expression (like how you choose to wear your hair, if you choose to wear makeup, how you dress) could indicate how you identify yourself sexually, how you choose your partners, how often or in what way you like to have sex – I agree with you that it is complete, COMPLETE bullshit.
Anyone who tries to make you conform to a gender stereotype by bullying you or shaming you is not your friend and must, must be educated. This includes frenemies who makes you feel like less of a woman for choosing different expressions. You are blessed with countless opportunities to educate people about this fact. You, Julia, get to decide for yourself what it means for you to feel womanly and no one gets to tell you that you’re wrong. Here’s the catch: you don’t get impose your definition on others, either.
“I don’t feel that I should have to have long hair in order for people to find me attractive or think of me as womanly. My chest and my hips should more than make up for it!”
A+ for the first sentence. But the second undoes all your soul-searching because it reduces your readers’ womanlinesses** (sp?) again only to physical characteristics. That curves have to “make up” for an implied feminine deficiency in the hair department?
What ?!!?
How about a 5’10″ lithe woman whose frame allows her to unironically wear high-waisted trousers because she’s a different shape than you? A 15-year old woman in a wheelchair? A little person? Female bodybuilders? A Muslim woman who chooses to wear an Abaya and hides her chest and hips? Transgender women?
This reductive, marginalizing language unintentionally is a tool for misogyny and cissexism. The kind of ignorant oppression you face will continue unless those with a voice (like yourself) work to confront it thoroughly and unapologetically confront it. You’re on your way, but you need to educate yourself — you owe it to your readers.