How to Lose a Guy in 1 Text

I am a tad rusty in writing department right now, so forgive me. I have not been pounding too many keys lately so there’s no telling what I might say. I already said “pounding keys” so it’s really all down hill from here.

I will start this post with a statement I say mostly to dates that have “Foreseeable Failure” written all over them. You know, the ones that spend the whole date reminding you how rich they are only to top it off with a split-the-check cherry. I look these mongrels right between the eyes and say, “So I write this twitter handle about crazy, turn-off text messages sent from obsessive and compulsively lost girls… like myself.”

Obviously, that is not completely true. I am far from obsessive. Compulsively lost on the other hand? That, I cannot deny.

It’s true though. I write a twitter handle called @loseaguyin1text. Its sole purpose is to show females just how easy it is for a digital flirt session to head south.

Here’s the thing about the psychology behind the @loseaguyin1text—it’s honest. There is an honest element to the vulnerability of the needy subconscious within the female psyche.

Here’s what @loseaguyin1text is meant to do: shut your inner, needy, nut-case subconscious up by showing you what these texts look like when read out of context. In the moment, and by “moment” I mean the unavoidable crazy abyss of crushdom (made up word), sometimes we think things that we simply SHOULD NOT TYPE.

Sure, everyone does it, but some are far worse at controlling the ever-powerful extendable thumb. So, in honor of thinking before you type, I am going to show you the top 10 text messages that will forever lose a guy in the lightening-fast flash of a few too many characters.

Do with this as you wish my friends. It could be your one-stop-step to rid yourself of the digitally trolling creeps out there, or merely a guide to what not to type ever—seriously though, never ever. Keep in mind that these are actual text messages when you are reading them, not thoughts, but digitally-set-in-stone statements. Enjoy!

1. Sometimes I think my cats are the only people that really get me. #howtoloseaguyin1text

2. I rarely drink because it leads to sex. #howtoloseaguyin1text

3. My ring finger gets lonely sometimes. #howtoloseaguyin1text

4. Called and cancelled ESPN until we get to know each other a little better. #howtoloseaguyin1text

5. I was just calling to see if your Facebook status was about me. #howtoloseaguyin1text

6. Just got us matching gnomes!! #howtoloseaguyin1text

7. Your bathroom light is on. #howtoloseaguyin1text

8. Your penis is so cute. #howtoloseaguyin1text

9. All I want is a baby. #howtoloseaguyin1text

10. What’s your credit card number, again? #howtoloseaguyin1text

 

Follow Kate’s musings on Twitter at @loseaguyin1text. 

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